whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
organizing the empties. That sober.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Panties = found
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