where am i from again
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
