guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
