i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
