bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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