that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
