we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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