who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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