The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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