Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
dude. I can hear the air.
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