honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
