Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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