Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
