u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
