He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
