Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
