my room smells like sperm. sweet.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
