I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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