i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
