i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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