So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize