Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
