On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
