YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
