Small penises have feelings too.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
