I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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