Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
