I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
