a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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