I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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