am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
