So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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