FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
