oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
