think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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