I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
