just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's like iHOP with fire
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
