I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
