Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
