I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
