I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
