Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
