I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
