Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize