what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
