nutella sex= disaster
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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