I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
