just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
