Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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