There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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