walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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