your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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