just come out here and I will go home with you...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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