What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
