pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
