When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
