There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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