Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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