hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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Woke up backwards on a recliner
True strength comes from lack of pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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