She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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