Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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