Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We are two peas in an std pod
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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