Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
