She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it's like iHOP with fire
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We are two peas in an std pod
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
