so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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