Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
