I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
