this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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