I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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