he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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