Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
