well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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