I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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