hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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